Anima Sana In Corpore Sano

2003-09-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I don't post in her all that much anymore. But I have good news:

I just received a $1000 dollar scholarship from the state of California for excelling in the GSE Algebra exam.

Yay!

2003-08-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Gotta learn how to play this....

2003-08-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

"Leaving" by The Starting Line

don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye

you and I, cold February night
it's been a half an hour
taking sweet time saying our goodbyes
One minute more, GO!!

the best day of my life is all thanks to you
precious remembrance saved for rainy days on February
few scenes from my life where moments mean more to me
than our fine nights,
I remember like yesterday, the time of my life

please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
lets travel back in time

2-12-99 at the stroke of midnight
holding you tight, your body and mine, in February
few scenes from my life where moments mean more to me
than our fine nights,
I remember like yesterday, the time of my life

please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
please don't leave me without saying goodbye
without saying goodbye
lets travel back in time

2003-08-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

2003-08-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Out on the road today, I saw a BLACK FLAG sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-

I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

2003-08-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

So much has happened and changed in a week. These one-liner entries won't do now.

Last week, my first friend died, so early in life. Her name is Kaeli Amie DeWeese. For those of you who don't "regularly" read this, she was run over by a car while setting up an annual Peddler's Fair for her church. At about 5:22am, as she was marking off vendor spaces, when a van driven by a 66-year old man ran through the intersection on his way to a kidney dialysis, hit and ran over her. She died about 40 minutes later at 6:00am. Yes, I'm being dry, but it's the way I'm going to put it.

I met Kaeli about a year and a half ago after a friend's birthday lunch at Chevy's. I saw her and introduced myself, and talked with her for a while. I was waiting for a to-go order of carnitas for my mom. We talked for a good while. She gave me a ride home, and I saw her around campus, and talked to her from time to time, mostly just a simple "hello". Sometimes I came to watch her soccer games, cheer for her. Now in my junior year, I talked to her more often, had enjoyable conversations, interesting ones, since we both were members of several clubs. I never did have a class with her, which was unfortunate. She was always nice, polite, and charming, and could brighten your day with a simple smile.

Going to the candlelight vigil last Saturday, and her viewing today, makes me realize how lucky I am to have gotten to know her. Her friends were loyal and true, comforting each other in this time of despair. She made good friends easily, which isn't easy to do.

It's so sad that this happened, and everyday I wish this was just a nightmare I'd wake up from. I cried, something that I haven't done in a long time. I think I've come to the conclusion that for the most part, I'm unemotional. Which is sad really. I don't know why, is it because of martial arts training? Not letting your opponent see any weakness, by showing emotion. Whatever the reason, I wish I could cry more in some aspects.

One thing I should, and everyone who reads this, and knew Kaeli personally, is to remember all the good times, and keep her memory close to you. Don't forget her, but don't dwell on her death. She wouldn't want to see us sad and crying. She was always and upbeat and outgoing, bright and optomistic person.

She had everything going for her: great family, friends, boyfriend, bright future at UC Davis, the prospect of becoming a veterinarian. People admired and loved her.

Unfortunately, these kind of tragedies happen to people everyday. Some people say it was her time to go, join her father, etc. Many believe it's just fate, and it was all planned out in the beginning, also known as predestination. I don't know what to believe. I would like to believe that she's in good hands, with God, and reunited with her father, looking down upon us. Perhaps guiding us.

I don't know what else to write, perhaps I'll edit this later, but right now, I'm just emptying what I've been thinking of writing, pouring my heart out. Crying out loud on the inside, knowing that she's gone, and my life is altered in some slight way.

If you've taken the time to read this, I thank you and appreciate it. Please tag my board, it's pretty lonely. Or you could e-mail me at sdagdagan@hotmail.com.

My condolences go out to the DeWeese and Quach families, may they get through this without everlasting pain.

Rest In Peace, Kaeli DeWeese. Know that we will carry you in our hearts and memories forever.

2003-08-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

I have so much to write, but now right now.

2003-08-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

I still have trouble finding the right words to say. If there are any.

2003-08-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't cried in such a long time.

2003-08-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

Well, this just about says it all:

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole. Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all.

Word.

2003-07-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

Frisko came over to my house to check out our garage sale and to hang out before driving to Fairfield for some errand. Anyways, he locked himself out of his car, keys still in the ignition. LOL. And he doesn't have a spare, then anyways, because he has one now. So, the only good thing is that his windows are cracked open a little bit. So I retrieve various objects with to unlock the car, but to no avail by using pool cues with extentions, etc. Finally, I unlock it with a long piece, narrow, and flat, of wood. Yay, one of the highlights of Saturday.

I need to give Andrew his gift.

2003-07-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm happy and sad at the same time. More like disappointed with myself, in a way.

But I had my first driving lesson.

Yes, I know I'm being vague. Bye bye now.

2003-07-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

Gah, I'm tired!

Running alone sucks.

2003-07-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Damn Friendster, damn Brian! Now I'm on it too! Why doesn't everybody just join it? Cave into the pressure! Mwahahahahahahaha!

2003-07-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

Seven Samurai by Akira Kurosawa is a great movie everybody has to watch. Although it took me 3 days to watch, it was well worth the time. The movie is almost 3 and a half hours long, a cinematic masterpiece that I believe will never be out done. Many of your favorite directors have been quoted Akira Kurosawa as a major influence. I think I have a new favorite movie and actor.

Toshiro Mifune plays Kikuchiyo in Seven Samurai, a farmer's son posing as a samurai in hopes of fame and acceptance. Also noted as one of the greatest actors of all time. Hilarious in Seven Saumurai.

So, go watch Seven Samurai.....NOW!

2003-07-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

Cast in the name of God.... Ye not guilty

Big 0 Rocks!

2003-07-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yay! I haven't updated this for a helluva long time! But who reads this anyway?

From Wednesday to Friday I was on a backpacking trip in Yosemite.

On the 4th, I went to a Dagdagan family reunion. The sad part is, I think I'm about the only teen Dagdagan male (ya knoe, to pass on the name, etc.) The rest of my cousins are female. But none of the other Dagdagans from my area were there, how weird.

And yesterday, I went to Warped Tour!!! So many people from Vallejo were there, although I did have to hunt them, and them me. I saw bands like Rancid, Sum 41, Glassjaw, Simple Plan, The Ataris, Talib Kweli (sp?), The Used, and others. AAR weren't there, damn it! The only bad part were the idiots and the possible sunburn I now have.

I hate moshers and crowd surfers.

2003-07-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

not much to say but this:

I got turned down from a job a practically had! The guy hiring me thought I was 18 and had just graduated, but then learned I was 16 and going to BE a senior. The store he runs closes at 5:30, so I couldn't be working as much as he'd like. I understood why, looking at the business point of view there. Before he was going to hire me, he even asked if I wanted to work in repairs, sales, or service (maintainance).

This sucks, now I probably won't get a job this summer, and I'm almost broke!

2003-06-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I had a great time at camp, but it went by waaay too fast! The food was great, a lot of laughs, just too much happened for me to blog about. If you talk to me in person, I can explain in greater detail.

And I'm reading the new Harry Potter book too!

Only though I've been gone only a week, typing feels almost foreign to me. But I learned how to juggle at camp! (Don't know what that has to do with anything, just felt like typing that in)

2003-06-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be off to Catalina tomorrow morning. We have to stay overnight at Camp Trask in Los Angeles, so we will be getting to Catalina Sunday morning. I'll be taking a lot of pictures, in black and white, of course.

Just because I'm gone doesn't mean I don't like receiving emails, so fill up my inbox at sdagdagan@hotmail.com, alright? Good.

I went to school today to drop off my precal book, and check my precal grade. I got an A. But then I got the AP Calculus project, and checked out the book too. Even though they're not supposed too. Then when getting stuff for camping, nobody had a camelbak hydration bite valve. Not REI or AnyMountain. I had to go to Copeland Sports in the mall to get one! So bizarre to me. Anyways, I'm ready now.

I don't know what else I can say. Bye

2003-06-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

I don't like one-sided conversations.

2003-06-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

Uhm, school is over! I have regrets though...now.

I didn't get to really say goodbyes to a lot of people, because in my heart, I know I probably won't get to talk or hang with them during the summer, or if they're going to college, never see them in person again. I don't even know what's going on with Katrina (what is going on girl?). I know what's going on with me, I might not be coming back to Bethel if my parents decree my grades not good enough. Anyways, I had to stay hella late after school. I went to Ms. R's class to buy film. Then to McNally's to finish up his final, which took hecka long. But before I finished that, I went to Ms. Dunkin's class.

I'm so glad I did. She said "I don't know if there's ever been a closer grade to an A-." So she looked my grades over, and she saw that she missed an extra credit assignment that I did. That just got my grade to the bare minimum to an A-. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But after school was a pretty good way to start off the summer, but not as good as your's Katrina! I just went to a party of one of my sister's friends. My good friend came along and we had a really good time there.

So yeah... Today I actually woke up by myself today. Cool beans. Countdown to Catalina in 2 days.

2003-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so damn busy, but fun and fulfilling

-Went to a swim meet, albeit, only an hour

-Got one of my finals out the way

-Partied

-Chilled

-Chilled while supposed to be working on other final

-Chilled and got half of the final ^ done

-Chatted it up with the ladies ;) j/k, j/k

-Chatted with people who I haven't talked to in like 3 years

-Had a good all-around day

And this is a summary of my last Saturday before summer vacation.

Oh yeah, a funny convo, inside though. You wouldn't understand it if you don't play diablo 2:

Me: de seis
(after david kills him)
David: deceased
Me: lol

2003-06-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

Busy weekend

2003-06-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

The greatest sin of all is procrastination.

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes
Yeah the spotlight shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green Eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I flow
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes,
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind

Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Since I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you

Coldplay- "Green Eyes"

Well, not neccessarily green eyes.

2003-06-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was filled of fun, but no productivity except perhaps the relationship department. I hope so.

Two parties= twice the fun! Duh!

There were probably 40 people coming and going at my sis's b-day bash. I came late from my friend Josiah's party up at Berryessa. But my friend Pablo was even later because of driver's training. The party was supposed to end around 9pm or so, but most stayed until about 10. Our friends Elisha (who slept over), Bobby, Tina, and Paul stayed till past midnight.

Paul rode his bike home in like 15 minutes. Does he have a motor or something? Being in Vallejo, it is a very "hilly" place, and he has to bike up a minimum of 5 inclines, long ones, to get home. He was riding a new BMX-style bike. And his house is probably at least 4 miles from mine.

If any of you people play Diablo 2: LoD, whisper me (Geo-Dingo). k?

2003-06-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm gonna have a busy weekend.

"When it's time to party we will party HARD"

2003-06-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

I really didn't do much today.

I should have a party after school ends.

What do you think?

Sayonara

2003-06-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

I just got bitten and/or sting by a wasp. Just thought you should know.

Ouchies!

2003-06-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

From where else but girls-suck.diaryland.com?

2002-10-20, Less you is more me.
I hope you realize that, despite the feelings I had for you in the past, I didn't stop talking to you because you didn't like me back. I stopped because I realized, I am your inconvenience, and you just don't fucking get it.

Does anyone have to ask you not to call? If all I have to do to erase you from my life is delete your name on a Buddy List, then you weren't worth it to begin with.

-p5.

Word.

2003-06-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was great, and I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone in my family or otherwise right now. I got a lot accomplished, worked hard, found solutions, got to use power tools, and went to a party. I wish every weekend was like this.

My day started off with a merit badge shindig for Boy Scouts. I got there a few minutes late to the church (where we hold meetings and such, and is usually the focal point for meeting before departing for a camping trip) and hurried off to the merit badge classes that I just chose. I decided to do Engineering, Auto Mechanics, and Sculpting. I earned Engineering and Sculpting that day. Each class was 2 hours long, with a snack break in between each. A lot of times, I wish school classes were like this, where we learn things that will actually pertain to the future, like taking care of a car. In Engineering, we went through about 20 different Engineering degrees one could earn, the classes you have to take for it, and its uses (job-field-wise). Last, we had to "engineer" a camp tool/gadget/thingy. In auto-mechanics, we went on through how the engines work, difference between diesel and gas engines, 4 and 2 stroke, etc. To complete it, the counselor said it would take probably 8 hours a day for 2 days. Not surprising considering the enumerable tasks that have to be completed for it. Basically, by the time you finish the merit badge, you've restored a car to pristine condition. And in sculpting, I had to make a mold of a strawberry, and then make a replica of it using those dentist impression stuff. Also had to create two animals and a face out of clay. For lunch, we got these chili cheese dogs that we put together with chips, cookies, etc. Earlier, we got to eat Costco muffins and fruit. All of this for $5 bucks. A good deal for food and learning, eh?

Okay, this is a long post so far, and I'm not done!

At home, I worked for a couple of hours helping around by sanding down splintery chairs, benches, and a table. So those of you who come over and don't get a splinter up your butt when you sit down in a paint-peeling wooden chair, thank me please. This kind of thing takes a while. While working on the table, I discover a lot of the wood is rotten, and if I were to sit on it, the table would probably break. So my dad tells me to fix it by securing the wood together with screws. That itself took like half an hour. Then with the chairs, I had to put a board on the underside to brace the middle of the boards used for the seat of the chairs. Two of them I had to cut wood to use for it. So now the chairs are sitable. Finally, I had to remove everything off of the deck (anything I could remove by myself that is). And then sweep. Geez, our deck is so long it took my a good 15-20 minutes to sweep the deck off. So after this was all done, I asked if there was any more work to be done. No. So I ask if I can go to David's party/Jo-Ann (his sister who graduated from Berkeley) party. Yessssssssssssssss!!!!! I took a shower, got directions, and go,go,go!

It wasn't too hard to get there, it was just far. All the way to American Canyon. The houses there are pretty nice, and I didn't expect anything different. His house was sweeeet! A lot bigger than mine, but I like my backyard better. When I got there, there were hella people, mostly family it seems, and I felt awkward and out of place. I found David as quickly as I could, and met his parents, whom my mom wanted to meet. She left, and I followed David upstairs, where his friends and cousins were.

Lo and behold, two people who I regard as some of my best friends were there. Dean and Robert! These guys and a few others were the reason I contended with my parents to go to Hogan and not Bethel. I really miss these guys, but we seem to never be able to get together because of our schedules, even during the summer. They had been at the party since 4pm (it was at least 8:30pm at the time), so Robert left first. David showed me around his house, and I like his room because of the simplicity, and not the over-gaudiness that accompanies most teenagers rooms. Dean, David, and I kicked it until Dean had to leave. Awwwwww.... Hopefully I'll see him again soon. I also met some of David's cousins and friends (?), their ties not exactly explained. Anyways, I would have liked to talk more with some of the people there, but I did get to chat with David's sister. She seems really cool. She thinks I can get into Berkeley. I'm gonna apply there just for kicks, maybe I'll get in and end up going there!

For a long time, David and I just talked up in his room, so we could really catch up with each others lives. I think we've now become better friends since the middle school years. This week, I've hung out with him than I have in a couple of years. Pretty sad, huh? We talked about life, school, morals, stuff along those lines. He's someone I can really be truthful with, and vice-versa. But, all good things have to come to an end. Around 11pm or so, I got a call that dad was going to pick me up. When he got here, I got to stay a bit longer, while our parents chatted, and got food en stuff. Good time for all.

Finally, I'm back home. But before the sleep fairy comes in, I decided to stay up and watch One Hour Photo with my parents from 12am-2am. Robin Williams was great, and I'll never look at photography (1-hour processing to be more specific), the same way again. Creepy!

Yeah, I think I'm done for now.

2003-05-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

What's the point of apologizing if the other person won't except it no matter what? For all you people who aren't brave enough to type their real names:

Get a life. Stop trying to defend other people. This isn't your fight to fight. Especially over something so trivial. If you are so afraid I'll do something to you if I know who you are, don't worry. Real names only on the tag-board people, please. It just makes you look childish, insecure, unconfident, unsure, and immature.

The reason I don't like apologizing for anything is because no one ever apologizes to me. Ever. I've never heard the word "sorry" from any family member I'm currently living with.

To those people who are so-called "mutual friends", talk to me, why don't ya? Can't really be a friend if you don't talk. And if you are a "mutual friend", why not be neutral to this issue and listen to both sides of the issue. I guess you didn't because you're too immature to know what a "mutual friend" is. So "shuddup!" LOL

anonymous: U know what scooter.... ur an idiot! u and ur sister have alot of mutual friends... so u betta shuddup!
^ just another anonymous idiot. post your real name. what a coward. this sounds like someone i know

a friend: hey! to jessica: rachel is not a b-motch or whatever you want to call her. you don't even know her! you are just jealous because she is better looking than you'll ever be.
^ if you're a friend, why not put your real name? eh?

2003-05-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, while running, I figured out something I live for:

Run a sub-4 minute mile.

Guess what? Chances are I'll never be able to. But I can hope, dream, and aspire.

2003-05-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm actually able to post right now.

Well, this three-day weekend hasn't been as productive as I thought it would be so far, but I went running! When I can't run, I feel like I need to, and when I can, I don't neccessarily want to. Interesting, eh?

I might have a job during the summer after all. And it pays well too. But ya knoe what? I ain't gonna tell ya'll. Dont wantcha taking my moola, greenbucks, etc., whatever you call it.

Peace out. Dude.

You have the Power of Flight!

What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-05-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

Imma gonna try reeeeeeeeally hard to make this weekend productive:

- Put flags on veterans graves on Saturday
- Write 2 pg. report on Vietnam, and do a 2 pg. interview with my dad on his experience in Vietnam
- Research on nanotechnology
- Finish Chapter 11 and 14 in Pre-Calculus
- Practice guitar at least half an hour each day
- Work on Merit Badges (so I can finally get the rank of life!)
- Finish the Crucible Unit Work
- Do whatever shit I need to for Marketing
- Actually read the Crucible

2003-05-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Hiya! I should blog more often.

I've been sending e-mails to my friends, which I haven't done in a really long time. Surprisingly, people actually replied.

I'm starting to like Chemistry more now since we aren't always studying our ass off for an impossible to pass test. We're FINALLY doing labs every week. Today we did dyes and chromatography.

The awards banquet for swimming was great! Everyone seemed to have a good time, and I was surprised. I got my block and letter for swimming, along with a plaque for an award called "Hope On The Horizon". It's always given out to freshmen swimmers who have great potential. One for a boy and girl. There weren't any freshmen boy swimmers, and I got one. Hilary said, "This award goes to a person, who unfortunately, will only be with this team for one more year...". I was touched and surprised, but once she started to describe who it was for, I knew it was me. After the banquet, Kaeli and Gary gave me a ride home.

Seems like my life is sorta pulling together in ways.

Congrats and Good-Bye to the senior swimmers this year! You will be missed greatly. We would have had our asses kicked a lot more if it wasn't for you guys!

Jamaal, you still owe me lunch.

2003-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Agent Smith: Me, me, me....
Agent Smith Clone: Me too.

Twin #1: We are getting aggravated.
Twin #2: Yes, we are.

Guess what I saw today.

2003-05-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

Love. It's the only way to go in life. You take the risk of getting hurt once you fall in love, but you realize it is worth it for the one you care for the most.

-David delos Santos (my friend)

2003-05-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

Prom is over. What a fun night! I actually danced....

It probably looked pretty weird to everyone else, not really resembaling (sp?) dancing. I had fun doing it nonetheless. That's what really counts.

"Dance like no one is watching". Tried to do that, but I couldn't ignore the hundreds of people around me.

Great times, this is what high school is all about.

Eh, I'll blog later.

2003-05-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

I meant to post a little earlier, but my dad required my help, which he ended up not needing, so there goes and hour and a half. And then another hour putting new springs on the garage door.

-Prom is in two days! How nerve-wrecking! I'm so anxious.

-For some reason, I haven't been able to talk to my friend Kita, who I'm taking to our prom. I mean, our mom's have talked more than we have. It helps that they work together though.

girls-suck.diaryland.com is a great site, it says what I think:

2000-11-10, She likes me, she likes me not
And now to wonder why, oh why?
Why is it that whenever you start dating a woman, inevitebly another girl-friend you know comes forward and tells you she's always had a thing for you. And why does this only happen when you're already invovled?

I swear it's got to be something you women drink. I've had the same girl who I've asked out more than once tell me "no" while I was single, then as soon as I started to date someone steady she comes forward and tells me she's had, and has had, a thing for me.

It's the most annoying, pisser ever. I about wanted to scream when she told me that. And I had just managed to get over a crush I had on this girl for almost 2 years. So. fucking. annoying.

Women, make up your got-damned minds and be straight. Either you like us, or you don't. Please don't be wishy-wash with your feelings, it ain't kind to us!

-p3

Or, when she just got a boyfriend, she reveals she had a huge crush on you. Either way, it infuriates me to a certain extent.

But sometimes,
2001-09-14, girls are awesome.

Last night I called up a friend of mine who means a lot to me.
"Could you please come over, I need human compaionship?"
"What's wrong?'
"This week has just been hell."
"Sure, I'll be right over."
"Don't worry, this isn't a booty call, it's more of a cuddle call."
She was over at my house in 20 minutes. It takes me 45 to get to her place.
Girls are amazing sometimes.
-p2

2003-05-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hey, haven't done this in a while. Sorry to hear about your car Francisco. I hope you find out who did it. Whether you want to or not. In other news....

AP tests suck! I just took the AP Chemistry exam, and so to say, it railroaded me. I haven't written more bullshit in my life than on that damn test! All of us did! The large group of four chem students. Pretty pathetic.

Gotta post later! Making dinner.

2003-05-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

My weekend was strange. I wish I went up to Tahoe with you Frisko! My dad said he might have let me go.... yeah right.

-I feel like kicking Albert's ass for not informing all of the Renaissance club members of the postponing of the Mystery Dinner. I got up early to get to the school to help set up for the dinner, which is like our biggest fundraiser of the year. Sarah was there also, and her dad gave me a ride back home.

-I really haven't done much to study for the AP Chem exam this Tuesday, what a waste of 80 dollars. Oh well, my fault for my damn laziness.

I find the need for a lot of self-improvment, in all ways. Is it too late to make a resolution for the rest of the year?

Major things to do(now and later):
Restore the Porshe
Earn my Life ranking
Cram for the AP Chem test (i am sooooo dead!)
Bring my chem grade up to a B-
Dance at prom
Don't look like an idiot dancing
Have fun dancing
Train for cross-country (wanna try Francisco and Katrina? It's not fun running alone, usually anyways)

2003-05-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted in like a day, but hey, no problem. So here's what been going on in my life:

-I got my tuxedo in the mail on Wednesday. I put it on and I look like James Bond. Cool. Forgive my monotone expressions. I'm just mentally fatigued for the day.

-I took my AP US History exam with a bunch of other people in Bethel's IMC (library). The people that took it including me were: Katrina, Katie, Jessica, Jonathan, Bianca, Ryan, Brian, Feliz, Joe, Veronica, Bernard and Arra. Pretty pathetic for a class out of 30 or so people, and a class of 400 or so students.

-Yesterday, my mom and I went to the dry cleaners to get my tuxedo pants hemmed, and the rest with it pressed for prom next week. I should buy the prom picture thingy with everyone's prom picture in it. 15 bucks. Still a damn ripoff.

-Actually, after taking that test, and it wasn't impossibly hard as I thought it would be, I've concluded, yes, I am damn smart, more so than the majority of the people I see and know. But, who cares? A lot of people say so already.

I'm done with this post. Now I just want to get stuck in the materialism that binds the average teenager for a while. Bye.

2003-05-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

Time for my daily post. Man, Francisco, I wish I was going up to Tahoe. Only this is probably going to be my busiest weekend in a long time. I've got the Mystery Dinner, AP tests to study for and homework, aikido, a play to attend, blah, blah, blah!

A lot of people say I'm a really smart person. In my opinion, those are the exact same people who are most likely more intelligent/smarter than me. In all honesty, I think I'm just an ordinary person with ordinary intelligence, who's effort and willpower to get stuff done (eventually) gives the facade of being intelligent and smart. I know many people who are easily smarter than me, but they don't put the effort forward to succeed in life.

One of my best friends from middle school, to me, is a genius. Only thing is, he's a smart-ass trouble-maker going to a military school on the East Coast because he screwed up. He is naturally gifted in almost everything he does and tries, but he's decided to waste it. If he could ready this, I'd like to tell him to straighten his shit out once and for all.

And now, as a junior in high school, my "ordinariness" is showing in AP Chemistry, where I'm no longer the best in the class (if I ever was in any class I had), and earning one of the worst grades because I can't grasp the material quickly enough, and my procrastination bests me everytime.

I'm also not just ordinary I.Q. wise, but athletic-wise. I'm probably less than average in the sports and physical stuff I do, like cross-country and swimming. I'm better than the worst person, but I have no chance at being the best. I get injured frequently it seems, and I already have chronic back problems, god damn it! I think my guts, intensity, and will-power is the only thing that gives me an edge. Blood, sweat, and tears help too.

What I am extraordinary at is martial arts. In Kung Jung Mu Sul (Royal Court Martial Arts), I earned my 2nd degree black belt by the age of 13, never heard of before in this art. I was the first person under-18 that it was awarded to. My sister has been doing this for the same time as I have, and she still hasn't reached the point I did, three years ago. Unfortunately, I don't train there anymore since, starting high school, I've lost interest, and I finally stopped at the end of 2002. I did start another martial art, aikido, through Contra Costa College at Eastshore Aikikai in Pinole. My sensei thinks I'm a natural, which I am, but I also have the help of 10 years of previous martial arts experience. Did I also mention I did a stint in Arnis? I made it to the 2nd or 3rd colored belt before I stopped there too. I mainly stop the activities I do because I am more than proficient enough to learn new things, but I'm not taught. So it just becomes a waste of my time and my parents money to pay for something when I'm not learning anymore.

Another natural ability I have is to teach and lead. Before I left my martial art, I did and had been teaching children and adults, starting at 10 or so. Many of the people I have trained have stopped, but some have stayed to make it to black belt. As it is in all martial arts. Now in Boy Scouts, I am an Assistant Senior Patrol Leader. Other leadership positions I've held are Patrol Leader, Scribe, and Historian. I will make the rank of Eagle before I turn 18, in a year and a half.

If you've cared to read this far, I'll just sum up what I've said, so you can base your own conclusions based on my own: I'm really just an ordinary person, despite what everyone else says. In my own opinion. As of this moment.

2003-05-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

I guess my posts will keep coming since I'm on a computer everyday at school, especially during this stupid CAT 6 testing. I have an AP exam this Friday, a test in Chemistry I'm not ready for in 4th period, and a presentation on the KKK for history in 2nd period today. Hopefully I won't have to go, because, I don't have a presentation (powerpoint) ready to go as of this moment.

I'm willingly fucking up my academic life, which crosses directly into my personal life. Why do I do this every year? I tell myself I'll go home and be studious for 4-5 hours or so, and the funny part is that I don't, watch hella tv, and do more homework at school than at my house. Too many distractions. I need to buckle down and just finish this shit hole of a year right. I need to at least bring my AP Chem grade to a B-, which translates into an A for my weighted gpa. Blah!

I'll need hecka blank tapes for all the television I'll be recording. Basically, two hours of anime a day, for five days a week. A lot, huh?

2003-05-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

To everyone who reads this blog, which I could guarantee aren't many of you, I'm in deep shit with school. The situation I tell myself every year I won't get myself into happens. It doesn't mean I have bad time management skills, but my classes demand more time than I have to use. My posts might be halted for a while (though I doubt it), and school is only for another six weeks or so, so I have to push that little red button that hurls me into 200 mph to hit the finish line burnt out and tires ruined. I hope you enjoy my posts, and I hope to see you soon.

This may be the last thing that i write for long
Can you hear me smiling when i sing this song, for you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that I would be this way,
Somehow I knew that I would slowly fade.
Now i'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

The All-American Rejects- "The Last Song"

2003-05-04T19:53:00.000-07:00

I went running for the first time in months! The first step to cross-country domination in September (yeah right, but I'll sweat blood trying)

I found some good articles on girls-suck.diaryland.com. Take your time to read these please. At least the first one.

I don't know what the cause is, but I've noticed that there seems to be a failing in the 'younger' crowd of females that are in public now, or at least lately.

Whether it's a defect of breeding, education, or just too much "vitamin E," the general grade of stock out there seems to be lacking. There are exceptions to this of course, as always, there always are, as there's no definites in life; but in general, I've noticed that what they make up for in energy and false cuteness piled on like the makeup on their faces (what's up with that, by the way?), they're lacking in brains and just general ability to converse in a decent manner.

It seems to be in the 15-17 group, from what I've noticed. There was a time when the 'average' girl would more than likely be well mannered, mostly polite, and at least be able to respond when you talked about literature. Now it seems like it's all about spitting (a quality that is never a virtue in anyone), swearing, and acting like whores. And not even high quality whores we call escorts, no no no, they act like it's a fire sale, and the clothes have to go.

They've got two paths- one, they can stay as they are, and grow into a life that's only a growth of what they're doing now; or two, they can realise that in five years no one will hire them (or respect them) the way they look, and they'll smarten up.

Either way, I'm glad I'm not a male at that age now, looking to find a decent girl, I'd probably lose hope in the gender before I found one that wasn't horrible.

-p1

As a high school graduate in California, I can only say this: dammit, how'd you write this before me? -p5.

Any comments on my tag board about this???

She lifted her hand
and shoved it down my throat
pulled out something red
shoved an arrow through it
put it back in me
making sure it
would not fit
like it used to
and as she wiped
her hands on my shirt
asked if we could
be friends.

-p5.

And now to end the post:

Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete
I'd ditch em all for a night with you.
I know you don't believe you mean this much to me
But I promise you that you do...

The Ataris- "I Won't Spend Another Night Alone"

I wish I could write something insightful, witty, humorous, thought-provoking, etc. in here...

2003-05-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Most people never know anything beyond what they see.

Nightcrawler, "X-Men 2"

A pretty good movie. I especially like the mondo teleporting scene in the beginning where Nightcrawler is just popping in and out. I wonder what happened to Jean Grey. Is she going to go Phoenix like in the next movie, like the cartoon?

Sorry I couldn't come to you birthday party dinner, David. *looks in pockets, but nothing there*

I can't wait to see Matrix in a couple of weeks.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

Linkin Park- "Numb"

2003-05-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

SAT 1 over with FINALLY! (for now)

Next: SAT 2

Late to bed, early to rise, makes Scooter tired, irritable, stupid. At least on school days. Not on the weekends for some reason...

I got to Hogan around 8 'ish and saw a whole lotta people I knew from school and my old classmates from middle school, whom I haven't seen in 3 years, but think about occasionally. Wish I got to talk and hang out with them. I did see my friend David, and if you read this, why didn't you tell me you were taking the test today?

Overall, the test seemed pretty easy, only ommiting one or two questions for every section, if any. Personally, I'd rather take the SAT rather than Mrs. Evan's patent "hellish death of your grade" AP Chemistry tests. David and I hung out for a while after the test. We walked to the Royal Jelly Donut, where he had his car parked. He thought he forgot to lock it, but he didn't, thank goodness for him. I redeemed my free X-Men comic book from Vallejo RC where Bianca was working. After purchasing a gut swelling donut, with a free complementary donut, with David's money, I saw Feliz, Nazanin (who just took the test), and Courtney. The three girls plus Bianca were going to see X-2 later on and I was invited. I am going to see it tomorrow, and I didn't have the time, damn it! Nazanin wondered how I got over to the comic shop so fast, I guess she hasn't heard of the great invention of walking. I seem to do a great deal of it myself. Onto...

Cunningham pool, where MEL finals, consols, and relays were going on. David dropped me off and I thanked him for the ride. Great seeing him again after a year or so. Even though I talk to him online, you can't replace good 'ol face-to-face interaction. He went to probably went to work on his site and sleep. Not as many people were there, and my tarp was pretty dry it seemed, until....

RAIN! At first it was drizzling and then a full downpour on my sorry golf umbrella, where practically everyone I knew at the pool took refuge under it one time or another. This lasted for a while. I mainly hung around Francisco, and the other Bethel swimmers, and the phenominal "Boy/Eagle Scout swimmer extrordainaires" (sp?). Also talked a bit with my friend, and sister's friend, Mackenzie. God, her eyes are gorgeous.

Near the end, I had my mom pick me up, and I said my goodbyes. WTH? I'll be seeing those losers on Monday! Just Kidding!!!

Now the fun began. I had to chop a tree and it's branches into little bitty bits. It took forever, the sun was almost down. I also started cleaning up my room and desk area, organizing my school graded papers and such. And I picked out the clothes I never wear, and put them in a gallon bag for charity. Nice, huh? I still have way too many clothes though.

Tha's pretty much my day. Meatloaf and potatoes for dinner with vegetables. Yum. And peach pie. And my room smells nice from burning incense.

Francisco: I downloaded that Starting Line song. It's pretty damn good, and it seems like it was written just for you.

There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away...

Eagle-Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight"

2003-05-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Extension to previous post about my day:

Well, cold, wet, rainy. THE worst day for a championship swim meet. Why couldn't it just be a nice day?

I got to sleep in a tad bit, until around 7:15. An hour or so later than I usually wake up. So, I get ready and get my stuff together, ignoring the proficient cowlick on the side of my head. Arriving at the pool I set up my Thermarest sleeping pad. Then I realize, it's gonna be cold. Finally, the rest of the swimmers start showing up. Cunningham pool is starting to get really crowded, over 300 swimmers I bet. Tents, canopies, and tarps surround my vision 360 degrees.

No one brought a tarp. How stupid could they be? Didn't they know the weather was going to get ugly, and giving me bullshit answers like "It's gonna get wet anyway" pissed me off when I offered to call my mom to bring one. And my -5 degree sleeping bag. Gotta stay warm.

So warm up starts at 9am and the events at 10am. My mom brings by the tarp and sleeping bag (or XXXXXXXXL condom as referred to by Andrew aka werdna). The tarp makes all the difference, and my stuff surprisingly stays dry the entire time. Everyone else's gets wet. People loved my sleeping arrangements, and sat and layed all over it because it was so much nicer than sitting on a tarp that's over chilling concrete. I did get to sleep in my bag.

My events were like 4 hours apart from each other. What a damn waste of time. I wanted to study, but the situation wasn't, how should I say, appropriate. I could have seen X-2 and Better Luck Tomorrow. Can't wait for that Matrix sequel. That is sooo gonna kick ass.

Adding on to my events, I did decently, but I was stacked against people who shouldn't have even been in my heat. Sooooo unfair, because they weren't even close to my level. Except for the guy who's seed time was 3 minutes. I'd like to say "FUCK YOU" to the coach of that team. Why the hell do you feel the need to "disguise" the real abilities of your swimmers. I could have been pushed to do that much better if I had someone to actually race against.

What is up with Christina? She keeps talking about Erin being my "wife". WTF? I know she wants us to hook up, or at least it seems like it, but damn, don't let that be the only thing you talk to me about. And she was doing what I seemed like flirting with me. Okay.... please explain.

Francisco, man, I feel your pain. Thanks for not shrugging me off and just talking to me about it. I like listening to others problems if it helps them get stuff off their chest. That's one thing a friend is for. Since you confide in me, I will in you. I hope you get through this down time soon, and feel better. You can't change others feelings,(maybe you can, but it doesn't seem like it). Don't downplay yourself. And yes, I don't understand why the nice guy doesn't get the girl. Maybe it's fate trying to get us somewhere, make us live and learn, etc. I believe in karma, and I really hope you make a withdrawal from it and it does some good for you (and me). I should have enough by now. I hope she's really worth it Francisco.

Girls suck. They do indeed.

Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we got you down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri-enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
and you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give
Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile
were flat broke but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial...

New Radicals- "You Get What You Give"

2003-05-02T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today was MEL's for swimming. I did okay. I'll post later

-I took 5 seconds off my 100 back! Yay!!! That's hella good. Went 1:26.

-Some guy in my 200 free heat was seeded at 3 damn minutes! He went 2:30.

Steve "Pre" Prefontaine is like the best runner ever

2003-05-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was able to go to swim practice yesterday. Cool. I strained some part in my foot/shin b/c that hurts really bad when I try to stretch it. What the hell did I do to it? Agony to sit in seiza during aikido practice too, since it's right after swimming.

-I'm the first one done with the mathe part 1 of the cat 6 testing. Finished it in less than half an hour. It's supposed to take ninety minutes. Maybe if I was stupid or something. No offense to you people who would take that long, but I knew what was on it. Pretty easy. Maybe 1 or 2 questions that had no right answer that I saw, or didn't understand.

-What do you say when a girl you are talking to says this out of nowhere: "Who do you like?" (meaning, crush, want to date, etc.) I got bumrushed with this question, and it seems everytime they're trying to find out whether you like them or not.... But I would like some feedback.

School sucks. I loathe it with a passionate hatred (does that make sense?)

2003-04-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

I just found this of girls-suck.diaryland.com, and I thought it was hilarious (may not apply to you)

What guys really mean when they say...

I'm hungry.--> I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy --> I'm sleepy.
I'm tired --> I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? --> I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? --> I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I Call you sometime? --> I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? --> I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! --> Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. --> I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? --> What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? --> I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. --> Do you want to have sex?
I love you. --> Let's have sex now.
I love you too. --> Okay, I said it ...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. --> I liked it better before.
Let's talk. --> I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? --> I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

Funny, eh?

2003-04-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Francisco! (even if you don't think it's a big deal) Have a great day!

life is
only
as good as the memories we make
and i'm taking back what belongs to me

The Ataris- "So Long Astoria"

2003-04-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

Second day of CAT 6 testing done. Took like 20 minutes to finish so I have all this free time to surf the net and blog, and do my homework that I should have done last night. I need to gear up for the AP tests and the SAT 1 I'm taking on Saturday, the day of MEL swimming finals. I doubt that I'll make it to the finals anyway. My parents will only let me practice for Thursday, and trials are Friday, where I miss a whole day of school. Need to make sure to bring homework and cameras to the meet. Swimming's going to be over soon, and I'll need to start running again to get into shape for the season in August/September. Maybe this time I can bring my 5K time down to 17 minutes or so. My first year, it was around 27 minutes at the MEL championships, this year around 22 minutes or so.

Think it's possible? I really hope so. I'm vying for state championship meet this year! My last chance for any glory/ greatness. Too bad I'm really disadvantaged in everyway compared to a natural runner. Someone with natural talent in being a fast runner. And hopefully we'll have a large enough team to compete with the other large teams in our league.

Should get back to doing my homework now. Bye!

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everybody can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got...

Linkin Park- "Faint"

2003-04-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

Just got done with this dumb ass test the state calls the CAT 6. For the first of ten days of testing, we're completing the language arts part of the test. The 1st part. It's gonna be a long two weeks

-At least I'll have extra time to study chemistry and stuff. I'm actually the first one done. Probably with like 5 questions right out of the 42.

-I don't have Chemistry until after lunch. Yippppppppeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

-Gotta go do my homework I should have done on the weekend now.

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and not a spoken feeling.
I'm knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
and listening to 80's songs;
quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

The Ataris- "In This Diary"

2003-04-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

You're Yusuke. The leader of the pack. You've
always gotta have your friends around to back
you up. But then again, you can always take
someone out with your bad ass Spirit Gun if
they're not around.

What Yu Yu Hakusho character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm at Francisco's house enjoying his food and playing games n' stuff. Great time so far, which is liike over 5 hours I believe. Started at noon and I didn't get there until almost 3pm. I got Francisco a book full of quotes called "the promise of Friendship". I saw other ones like "Hope" and "Love".

I am so fucked tomorrow. Toooooooooooooooooo much homework needs to be done, and a project, which includes a 2 page report (no biggie), and a power point presentation for extra credit, which I really need to keep my A- in AP US History. Blah!

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start...

Coldplay- "The Scientist"

2003-04-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

We won against Hogan yesterday. Nothing unexpected there. I placed 2nd in the 200 free and 3rd in the 100 back. Three of my events were within 15 minutes of each other, so I was really tired. When I got home, I just went to sleep. And didn't get any homework done. Blah! Bad Scooter!

Well, it seems my question to Francisco is spreading, and people are trying to find the answer to what they live for. I'm glad Katrina seems to have found a reason. I'll answer my own question someday, probably soon, and probably not today.

I need to get my shit together and start focusing hard on school. My interest and discipline (or whatever little I had), is slipping. I don't want to do anything for these last two months. I'm sooooooooo overwhelmed!

-I have the SAT next Saturday
-Then I have my AP Chem exam (an $80 test)
-Then a AP US History exam (another $80)
-MEL's for swimming next Friday
-Chem grade to dramatically bring up
-PROM!!!! Need a damn tux! Buy buy buy!

See you tomorrow Francisco!

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all...

The Ataris- "The Saddest Song"
-

2003-04-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah... It's raining today for our other cross-town rivalry swim meet against Hogan today. Ya know what that means? We're gonna kick some ass! Everytime there is ugly weather, we win. Kinda wierd.

Hey Francisco, I don't remember saying that to you until you posted it. It went in and out my brain but stuck in yours. For all you other bloggites, here's what I said:

What do you live for?

I would have to ponder that myself, to get a clear cut answer.

But I think everyone should know what they live for. Better to have an aim, rather than wander, accomplishing nothing in life. I don't think it matters if you live to get laid or do drugs, but if you do, please find another thing to live for. Perhaps to scale Mt. Everest (something I'd love to do one day), graduate from college and earn lots of money, or win the lottery and never have to work another day in your life.

Wish me luck Diana, that I got a decent grade on that entropy test. For all you non-Chemistry students, entropy is the measure of disorder.

"Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead..."

Coldplay- "Clocks"

2003-04-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

I just got this off of Francisco's blog, which I think is interesting:

You've never had a girlfriend, and your life doesn't feel so great, so you think that's the missing piece that'll make everything fall in place. You figure, if only you could share your loneliness with someone else, the world would become a much sunnier place because you finally have someone who cares if you're happy.

My god, let me tell you how wrong you are.

A girlfriend is not the line piece in Tetris that clears everything out for you, and I know you get that metaphor because you're a goddamn nerd just like me. A relationship is a responsibility that most of us are not ready for, but you're going to get into one anyway, so let me tell you what it's like.

You tell yourself, happiness is making other people happy, and as soon as you have that ability your world is one fat rainbow slide into the pot of golden bliss. It seems true enough from what we've been taught, doesn't it? Hah.

You don't think you're ever going to break a girl's heart. You've always been on the receiving end of heartbreak this far. Anyone that you date, you're going to treat like a goddess, unlike all those other asshole guys in the world. You're different. You're better. You're going to be happy.

You're a stupid little kid.

I broke a girl's heart a week and three days ago, a girl who didn't deserve it, a girl who I made happy. I realized I wasn't happy sometime in the last two months, but I tried staying in the relationship as long as I could for her sake. And this is where I realized what a huge burden her happiness was, a burden made a thousand times worse because I knew it shouldn't be a burden. When I couldn't do it anymore, I realized that in life, you're going to have to be a bastard every once in a while. It's necessary, it's unavoidable, and it's going to happen to you.

To end this increasingly incoherent lecture, don't make yourself believe that you can find inner happiness from other people. It's the other way around, something you need to figure out before you end up breaking someone's heart. So stop whining about needing someone, sit your ass down, and think about what it is you want, who you want to be and if you could really find someone who's at the same time in their life as yours.

Relationship: responsibility. Too much of one without the other.

-p5

puts it into perspective, huh?

Waiting, day to day it goes through
My lips, are sealed for her
My tongue is,
Tied to, a dream of being with you
To settle for less, is not what I prefer...

My Paper Heart- The All-American Rejects

2003-04-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Vegas this morning, about 4am to be exact. I thought we would have gotten home at 12 or 1 at the latest, but numerous dumb delays prevented a good night's sleep. Our car is sooooooo uncomfortable, especially to sleep in. In fact for probably 2 hours I drifted in and out of sleep because of the "uncomfortableness". Is that a word? Whatever.

- As I thought, this trip didn't turn out as great as I hoped it would be.

- I'm disappointed that I didn't get a single piece of non-junk mail in my inbox. Or any new tags on the board. Maybe I should just get rid of it. And maybe just this whole blog together. I'm kinda glad they have a "delete blog" option, I may have to use it.

- I coiuld have gotten more done staying here in one day (homework wise) than I did during our whole trip to Vegas. Despite the popular belief in my family that you can do homework in car while traveling is just total bullshit. If I had a desk I probably could. But where could you put it?

-I think I spent more time being on guard from getting into arguements and such instead of relaxing. Spring Break sure was a greeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaat help to my mental and physical health! Life is sure a bitch right now. I still have AP Chemistry homework to finish.

As I posted earlier as a quote: "If you're going through hell, keep going". Yeah.... I'll try

Happy Easter Everyone!

"Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love..."

The All-American Rejects, "Swing Swing"

2003-04-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

Hey every person who reads this blog! It took a hellava long time to get packed and such. This will be the last post for a while, because I will be soiling myself in cigarette smoke for the next few days in Sin City! At least we're staying at a four star hotel called the Rio. I hope everyone's has a good Spring Break, because I might not. It'll be my third time in Las Vegas in less than a year. Geez! And I won't be swimming at the pool, maybe the Rio's though. While I'm gone I'm gonna be taping all my favorite shows, and keeping up a written journal so I can write down whatever mischief I get myself into so you can't read about it! It'd be cool if you guys could tag my board or e-mail me at sdagdagan@hotmail.com I want to come back to an inbox full of e-mails from you guys, not a bunch of junk. See ya!

-Gotta go play Diablo 2 and burn a CD!

Heart of Sword (ending theme song to Rurouni Kenshin)
Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo
Yoake no mama de, koesou de

Butsukatteikya kokeru omoi yo
Konya mo mata, sure chigai

Sanzan sugite doryoku no ato mo
Naku naru kekka, only no tsuna watari

Yaru dake son suru yona, mainichi wa
Sha ni kamaeteta hou koso, raku ni naru

Atsukute, tsurai jibun wo kakushite, mijikai toki wo ikiteru

Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo
Yoake no mama de, koesou de

Hottokeba, hashiru omoi yo
Yume mo mata, sure chigai

Kanpeki to chau, jinsei no shuushi
Puramai zero da nanteba honto ka na?

Shinu made ni tsukaikiru, un no kazu
Semete, jibun de dashiire wo sasete

Wakacchainai, kimi nara dou ni demo, rikutsu wo kaete ii noni

Nando kimi ni, ketsu mazuitemo
Modottekichau, aijou ni

Shinjikaneru, utaretsuyosa yo
Konya mo, soutou nemurenai

Nando nankai, kurikaeshitemo
Modottekichau, ai dakara

Butsukatteiku, kesunu omoi wo
Semeru hou ga, suji chigai

Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo
Yoake no mama de koeteyuku

Aishou yori mo, fukai futari wa
Sure chigatte kamawanai

2003-04-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm bored, even though I should be doing my homework. One of my favorite bands is Coldplay:

The Scientist
Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start...

-At one point I was listening to this song a lot

2003-04-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, my shoulder still hurts! At least I can now bring it all the way across my body!

Today I went sailing with the California Maritime Academy with the Boy Scouts. Yeah... I'm a Boy Scout, if you didn't already know. Don't make fun of me because of it. I can kick your ass.

Our guide's name was Kevin, and he led the sail boat (22ft or so), into the water. We went under the bridge and into Benicia waters. Was fun for the two hours we got to play with the boat. Got kinda wet, but at least it wasn't raining.

I'm starting to play Diablo 2 again. This is very bad.... this used to be an incurable addiction. Now it will be harder to get school work done. Darn. Less productivity.
Btw, my account name is Geo-Dingo for those of you who play.

We're going to Las Vegas for a while (which means pretty much all of Spring Break). We're staying at the Rio, yay! Too bad there isn't a lap pool to practice in. I'm so pathetic.

My dog Shadow-Bob will probably have to come along, darn it.

I guess that's all for now. This may be my last post for a while, if there isn't internet access anywhere I go. So, bye. And tag my board, and leave me an e-mail message @ sdagdagan@hotmail.com

2003-04-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! My shoulder still hurts, and I haven't been doing much this day. Actually, I'm supposed to be doing homework and stuff, but I'm not. My mom's off to a party, and won't be back for a while.

Instead of doing what I should, I've been going through my videotapes on which I tape Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, Trigun, and Inuyasha. Actually, I've done some homework so far.

Did I mention my shoulder hurts? I think it's better than yesterday. But I wouldn't be able to swim or throw a baseball if I tried.

Francisco, did you see the USA vs. Australia swim meet on TV? Dude, they were unbelieveably fast! (duh!)

Thanks to Gabe, who let me borrow Samurai X, the prequels "Trust" and "Betrayal" to Rurouni Kenshin. Kristine told me it was gory, but I didn't expect as much as I saw. 10 seconds into the DVD, they must have used 10 gallons of red ink for on scene! It freaked me out especially because I was eating at the time. I finished both, and I suggest people watch it, despite the blood and gore. The storyline is great.

-I need to clean my room...

2003-04-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

Wow... already Spring Break! I get one week to do homework! Ugggghhhhhh..................

I hate homework. Especially the kind given over "vacation". I guess it should be expected from AP courses.

My shoulder hurts really bad right now. It was like this when I woke up. I had to miss swim and aikido practice because of this mysterious injury. I'm thinkin I must have slept on it all night, swimming against Vintage on Thursday, or a combination of both. I just want it to get better. I've been taking motrin all day. Doesn't seem to help.

I need to buy a tux. I don't like the idea of having to rent one every time I need to wear one. Cheaper to buy. Just get the basics, then buy different shirts, vests, etc. as the need arises. Some of my friends think this is "ghetto", "economic", or stupid. "How many times are you really going to be wearing a tux?". I was thinking "Fuck you!". I don't have a good amount of money, or a job. Considering I found a basic tux package for $100, and most rentals over $100.

Then I need to find out what color dress my date is wearing. Seems nobody is home at this time.

Have fun Dean and Dean. The Dean from Bethel is going to check out colleges down southern cali, my Hogan friend's going to Tahoe for a week. I was hoping to hang out tomorrow. Something different than my boring, monotonous life.

Lastly, I just want a normal shoulder again. I want to be able to practice aikido, train for swimming, and swing a heavy oak sword with two hands.

My thoughts go out to my photography teacher Ms. Reemsnyder, who is going to Connecticut, tomorrow morning, to visit her mother. Her mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer, and will be going into surgery soon. Many of us had made get well cards for her.

-Have a good night everyone

2003-04-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

The haxor handle of Leon is "Digital Vampyr".

2003-04-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Here comes a few quiz results:

Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

The haxor handle of Scooter is "Rapid Pari@h".

I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.

I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You?

2003-04-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hey. We lost against Vintage today. Too bad. It's not like we got slaughtered like against Davis. I did pretty well, considering I only had to do a few events.

-I did the 50 free with a personal record of 27.89 seconds. Down from 30.87 seconds.
-In the 400 free relay, my split time was 1:05, down from 1:07
-In the 200 free relay, split was 28 seconds, cool beans!

Jamaal, you promised to buy me lunch if I swam 27 seconds in the 50 free. Now I "deserve" to wear my jammer. Yay!

I feel pretty good right now. I just don't feel like doing any homework. I could be getting ahead by doing my spring break homework. Oh well. The night is still young!

-I hope you feel better Katrina. We missed you at the meet.

2003-04-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm exhausted right now. Last night I stayed up past midnight finishing my controversial issue essay. After I did that and got ready to sleep, I read a long book called Musashi, and watched some Inu Yasha (sp?). I shouldn't have procrastinated in doing it last minute. I was talking to Brian, Gary, and Kaeli on instant messenger while I was typing my essay. It probably kept me up longer, but oh well! I wish school was out already for spring break. Then I can maybe get a decent night's sleep. Just now I gave a long ass presentation with Ryan for my marketing class. I swear it took us 15 minutes to present everything we had. Next period I have to face the rath of my ap chem teacher evans. She's going to want our titration lab which I haven't completed. Maybe I'll be able to turn it in tomorrow. Probably not. I have a ton of work to do in all my other classes.

-I loathe school. With a passion.

2003-04-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Now I'm really tired and I don't want to go to chem next period. The school part of my life sucks right now.

-Kaeli, if you read this, Happy Birthday!

-AJ, if you read this, Happy Birthday!

2003-04-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

Wow. I didn't know Jamaal knew about my blog. That's interesting. Well, whoever visits this site, please tag my board, I put it there for good reason.
-Darn you Francisco and Melvin. You guys had "dots" aka you were commies in history class for those who weren't there
-I need to bring my chem grade up
-My room needs to seriously be cleaned up
-I'm going to Las Vegas for spring break, or so my parents say. I've been there 2 times in less than a year. There's only so many times you can go through the shopping areas.
-Thanks to Dean, who let me borrow Chobits. I thought I had to download DivX, when it really wasn't necessary.
-I like Japanese animes with English subtitles better than dubbed ones. Why you ask? They don't omit anything. "Porn" is a perfectly acceptable word in Japanese anime. But once it's dubbed and brought to the U.S. of A, you won't hear one "dirty" word.
-We have a meet against Vintage on Thursday. I'd love for us to win, since they seem to be a pretty good team
-I'm gonna be an insomniac for the rest of the week. Only a couple of more days until Spring Break! Gotta get that homework done! (Lame, huh?)
-Thanks for letting me edit your blog Frisko!
-Uhhhhhhhhhhh.... can't think of anything more right now.

Have a good night everyone!

2003-04-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

I found this kind of interesting:
"What is the Sound of the Single Hand? When you clap together both hands a sharp sound is heard; when you raise the one hand there is neither sound nor smell. Is this the High Heaven of which Confucius speaks? Or is it the essentials of what Yamamba describes in these words: "The echo of the completely empty valley bears tidings heard from the soundless sound?" This is something that can by no means be heard with the ear. If conceptions and discriminations are not mixed within it and it is quite apart from seeing, hearing, perceiving, and knowing, and if, while walking, standing, sitting, and reclining, you proceed straightforwardly without interruption in the study of this koan, you will suddenly pluck out the karmic root of birth and death and break down the cave of ignorance. Thus you will attain to a peace in which the phoenix has left the golden net and the crane has been set free of the basket. At this time the basis of mind, consciousness, and emotion is suddenly shattered; the realm of illusion with its endless sinking in the cycle of birth and death is overturned. The treasure accumulation of the Three Bodies and the Four Wisdoms is taken away, and the miraculous realms of the Six Supernatural Powers and Three Insights is transcended."

2003-04-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some quotes:
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
- unknown

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)

"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."
- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
- Steven Wright

"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time."
- Vince Lombardi

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
- Jimmy Durante

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
- Isaac Asimov

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
- Jimi Hendrix

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti

Don't forget to read my other posts if you haven't yet. I write them for a reason. If I didn't want you to read this, I'd keep a private journal.

2003-04-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had several opportunities to hang out and have fun with friends. Instead, I spent my evening with a ruined dinner plan, and watching Collateral Damage, which is a bad movie. For once in my life, I have the chance to go to parties and such, never having a dull weekend. Well, maybe once in a while. For the past two years in high school, during my freshman and sophomore year, I can vaguely remember only a few parties I was invited and attended. What a bore my weekends were if I wasn't camping or something equally fun in my opinion. I wish I could reason with my parents, but they are so uncompromising and stubborn much of the time. I can remember a time not too far ago where I couldn't go anywhere or do anything on the weekends because my parents didn't have a one year advance on what was happening. Soon, I won't have to depend on them for being my chaperone/ driver whereever I want to go. I can get my license as "early" as JUne 19th. Damn! After school ends I believe. Thank god Spring Break is coming up, but I hate having to go back to Vegas for the 3rd time in 8 months. I'd like to stay at a nice, expensive place, if I'm being forced to go back there. 700 square feet standard rooms! I'd rather go backpacking for a week in Yosemite or something similar. Or maybe hang out with friends 24/7 partying at each others house having a Halofest.

-I went driving today, around my neighborhood. I need some professional instruction. So far, I've only driven with my dad.

-He says next week, if I want, because I asked, he compromised to pay for half of the Game Boy Advanced SP bundle at Costco. Woohoo!

2003-04-05T22:50:00.000-08:00

God damn it! My fucking long ass post got deleted. Sorry for all my cursing and such, I'll just sum up what I did write, and hope I have the feeling and will to write it. Basically, it was an essay of apologies and explanations of my day.

-Sorry to Diana to whose get together I could not make it to.

-Sorry to Kaeli, who is turning 18 this coming week. She had a party that I was invited last minute to. I really want to go, especially when the party is within walking distance.

-My mom's birthday was on the 2nd of April, and that was a large factor in me not being able to go. We were to go to Black Angus and have a nice filling "stuff yourself 'till you explode" meal. Long story short, it ended in wasted time and a damn catastrophe. Shit.

-I wish I could just spend some time with friends on the weekend. It seems all I ever do is slave to my parents whims on the weekends while they bitch to me that I'm not doing enough. My grades aren't high enough. Guess what? Me helping you (mom and dad), takes up a substantial amount of mytime on the weekends, whether you realize it or not, think it's a lot of time or not. You say you have to conform to my plans, but in reality, when it comes down to it, you give shit about what I want to do with the time I've been given with my life. I should do with it what I please.

-That's why I want my license. Then you won't have to drive me around. I won't have to put aside my pride, and ask nicely for everything I want. You say the worst thing that can happen is that you'll say no. More often than not, you bitch and yell that you have something else you have to do or make an excuse why I can't go somewhere or do something. And I hate asking for rides from friends. Sorry guys. I hate having to waste your time to take me home or where ever, because I hate it (having my time wasted) having it done to me.

-Even now with this evening being a waste, my parents would blow up if I asked to be driven to your party Kaeli. More like parent now. My mom has gone to lay down because her eye hurst like a mofo. Reason for ruined dinner. I thought of even sneaking out or asking if I could walk. Too bad my parents would sic the FBI on me.

-I'm just writing this to point and clarify the problems in my life even though I don't see them often. My life doesn't suck. It's actually pretty decent. I may tend to blow things out of proportion from time to time, but what I write in here is a pretty accurate portrayal.

I guess this is not such a short entry, but I had to get this off my chest. Most of the time I have no one to talk to, to talk my problems out with. I'm willing to listen to people to be kind and offer a generous ear, for one, the sake of enhancing a friendship. For some reason I have a reluctance to spill my heart and mind out to any friend, even my closest ones. But it seems like when I do, I hold back because they don't genuinely listen and just pretend they hear what I'm saying. Or so it seems. Since they don't listen, talking just seems trivial and pointless. Maybe thats why I like adults, because they're more willing to listen and help than peers most of the time.

Anybody who is willing to be confided in by me, inquire, then prove to me through our friendship. I need someone like that.

2003-04-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

Faint by Linkin Park on their sophomore album Meteora
I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everybody can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you want what I've got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you’re all that I've got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

(Now)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I can't feel
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

2003-04-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

Pierce Brosnan Bond- you kick ass as 007

Which GOOD James Bond are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-03T21:36:00.000-08:00

Mwahahahaha!

Kill someone by the sword

How would you kill someone
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2003-04-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm kinda overdoing it with these, so what! I don't think this really fits me...

Butterfly Spry, cheeky and flirtatious! You love Asian pop culture and thrive on Pocky and candy colours. You enjoy attention lavished upon your pretty self. You want a partner who knows how to have fun. No wallflowers for you!

2003-04-03T21:05:00.000-08:00

You are FIRE! When the shit hits the fan, you're the first to react and you're not shy about it either! You are sincere and protective, but tend to express your feelings poorly, and so you are often misunderstood. But don't worry, worthy trainers know the truth.

What Kind Of Pokémon Are You?

2003-04-03T21:02:00.000-08:00

Hehehe... Slice and dice!

You are fast and furious. Streamlined and efficient in many ways, you go through life easily accomplishing what most people find difficult.
Which DBZ Attack Are You?

2003-04-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

Right....

What Drink Are You?

2003-04-03T13:16:00.000-08:00

Hey! Nothing much happening here in 5th period precalculus! My name is mentioned in vallejonews.com for winning the 200 free. I'm gonna try to put up a tagboard on this blog. Last night I stayed up late getting my book response for english done. I had to make awards for the option I was using, so I used blank CD's as awards. Anyways, I've raised my grade like 1% in chemistry, so I still have a C-, and Mrs. Evans is going to send home a report saying I'm in danger of failing. Goody! I'll have to look out for the mail. Quarter 3 of my junior year of high school is over, thank god, only 5 more quarters to go before I'm out of high school. Swim practice is gonna suck later because it's freezing and windy outside.

Bye!

2003-04-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is what happened today in my life:

- I won the 200 free with a sucky time, only because I was swimming against my own teammates. Vallejo didn't have anybody swimming that event. Woohoo! My first 1st place baby!
- I made the same time in the 100 back, wierd, huh?
- I have a lot of homework to finish tonight
- Aikido was fun although I wish I could have been spending the time doing homework, because I have a book report due tomorrow. Yay!
- We won our swim meet against Vallejo, go Bethel!
- Some guy is selling a car to my dad. My dad could pay him like right this second, so it seems he got angry and deflated one of my dad's tires. All of us are kinda paranoid about this.
- Maybe this guy has a bounty on his head if he doesn't pay money, maybe to some drug dealer, mob, gang, Mafia, Triads, etc....
- I think he is a psychotic lunatic. If he comes near me or to this house, I'll probably beat his head in, or at least his shins, hehehehe....

Don't think I'm diabolical or wierd because of that last statement...

Have a good night!

2003-04-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

yeah... I doubt this will be posted because something is wrong with my blog. So if this shows up... great! I have a swim meet against Vallejo today and I have to swim the 200 free and 100 back. God damn it! I'm still sick, so I'm gonna post a horrible time! (gotta think positive here!). Oh yeah.... it's my mom's and my friend Dean's birthdays! Yay!

2003-03-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

I love the new Linkin Park album "Meteora". It's worth buying the package containing the DVD, at least for me. Great insight on the band. I might join Linkin Park Underground 2.0. Here are the lyrics to probably my favorite song on the album:

Breaking the Habit
Memories concern
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safer in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Chorus]
I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Cultured my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again

[Chorus]
I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
Cuz I'm the one that falls
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight

2003-03-31T11:05:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I'm sick right now so I'm at home blogging before I go to sleep.
I just had some sudafed, tea, and motrin
Nothing much happened, except that ridiculous healthy kids survey test. I swear probably everyone answered the majority of questions "a".
We got a dollar for taking it. Big woopdeedo!
I left class 3rd period to come home and rest
Hopefully I'll be able to do some work from my classes I've procrastinated on
Surprisingly, I've kept this instead of a private journal. Maybe this is just more convienient.
Unfortunetely, I cannot spill all my secrets, etc. in here
I need a tag board/ comment thingy

2003-03-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a doozey (sp?)
I swear I got less that 5 hours of sleep
My alarm clock went off, and heard it, but didn't do anything about it. I set it for 6am. My dad said he would wake up at 6:40am, because at 7 we were to leave for Fairfield. So he wakes me up at 6:50am dammit! How ironic. So I get my shit together and we leave about 7:05. My dad wanted directions so he could maybe come by later. So we go to the Fairfield Splash Relays, and after 20 minutes of looking, we get our spot to set up for the canopy we have. I might give more details later, but I don't feel like doing anything, especially typing. So after forever, I got to swim twice, and then I had to go to Mark Heise's Eagle Court of Honor. He goes to UCSD, and came back for spring break so he could have his court of honor. I was a color guard. At least I was mentioned in the program. So I went home after pretty much everyone else had left. I changed for like the 10th time today so I could go to Francis' party which started about 7 hours before I got there ( around 7, you do the math). Anyways, after I had started my family's dinner, my mom decided she'd let me go to the party. His house is hella big, and his room is hella big, and it's hella far from Jesse Bethel High School in American Canyon. Can you even classify the place as a city. It might as well be a part of Vallejo, geez. Everybody made a big deal about me finally getting there. I was brought up to speed of what had happened already, like Jorelyn's "hot cousin" who could play b-ball and was being hit on. AND, Chris Cruz' nose spontaneously burst with blood, when he was doing something, not sure of. He fainted, and they got it on camera. So I had fun and ate for about the 10th time that day. I had almost no healthy food that day, besides an apple and maybe something else. And after I got home, I watched The Tuxedo. Wow, a fulfilling and exciting day. Sometimes I wish everyday could be like this. But once I went to sleep, I didn't wake up until 11:30 today!

2003-03-29T00:14:00.000-08:00

Well... we lost our swim meet against Davis. We didn't have a chance. We were slaughtered like sacrificial lambs!
At least I got to meet the famous one legged swimmer that kicks ass! His name is Mark.
I took 6 seconds off my 100 free
Took 4 seconds off my 100 back
Took 2 seconds off my 50 free (in the 200 medley)
Cool beans!
Tomorrow we have the Falcon Splash Relays in Fairfield
And Mark Heise's Eagle Court of Honor
Cya later!

2003-03-26T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hey! Haven't blogged in here for a freakin long time. That's nothing compared to my several month hiatus (sp?) on this. So what's been going on in my life???
- I have a prom for date. But I have to pay for both of us. Dammit! I don't even have a job!
- We lost at our swim meet against Vacaville. They won only because their swimmers were diving, and we don't have any divers 'cause we don't have a coach for that.
- The new kick-ass cd I've been listening to is The Ataris "So Long Astoria"
- Over last weekend I went snow camping up in tahoe. It wasn't super-cold, but cold enough for my taste.
- We built a shelter out of snow that I slept in with two other people. It was actually decently warm in there. Surprisingly, we didn't get soaked b/c we didn't smooth out the walls. The shelter took probably 4-5 hours to build for three people to sleep in.
- My elbow is still sore from shoveling tons of snow.
- We're going up against Davis swim team on Friday! If they show up... b/c they haven't for some meets. If they do they'll slaughter us. Coach is letting us swim whatever we want.
- People are asking if I'm okay, they say I seem depressed... maybe I am
-I cut my hair for the first time in four months, so it's 1/4 inch now. Everybody was surprised. They wanted to touch it. I feel that I look wierd, even though I cut it this short all the time.

Wish list/ What I want/ Desperately need: A girlfriend!

2003-03-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

Here is my essay, as I had to write it or be suspended. Enjoy...Behavioral Essay
“It is a privilege to attend school. It is my responsibility to arrive on time and proceed to class on time. When I choose not to follow school rules, I know that there are consequences assigned. It is imperative that I appreciate and value my education that will lead to me becoming a productive citizen in my community, family and school.”(One, I am a productive citizen, two, what does this paragraph have to do with the tardy essay?)
The California Scholarship Federation fieldtrip on March 12th 2003 was a great opportunity to see one of the premier private colleges in the world. The drive was long, and the weather cold and hot that day, but overall I gained knowledge and had fun, things that usually never go together. Unfortunately, the low point of the day was when a few California Scholarship Federation Students, including me, were a few minutes late to the bus.
This was the second field trip I attended during my three years in high school so far, and it was far better than the junior class field trip to Berkeley. On the way to Palo Alto, a trip far past San Francisco, I listened to music and conversed with my fellow members of the California Scholarship Federation. Eager to leave the bus, we shortly looked around Stanford University’s beautiful campus before started a guided tour of the campus. Our guide was a junior student named Mark, who had spent some time earlier in the school year at one of Stanford’s abroad campus’ in Europe. He showed us select parts of the campus including buildings that were built from the donations of multi-billionaires Hewlett-Packard and William Gates. The campus astounded me in size and beauty. Especially the cost for tuition per year. Even if my family could afford the forty thousand-dollar price tag without financial aid, I am sure I could get a similar or better education somewhere else that better caters to my intellectual needs. Mark showed us several important buildings such as the church and the history of the Stanford family. Originally, Stanford intended the University to be tuition free, something that everybody would just love. The part of campus Mark showed us around was the “fuzzies” and “techies” side of campus. Mark himself was a fuzzy, which I believe is what someone is when they don’t know what to do exactly in college. My mom told me with a forty thousand-dollar price tag, I better know what the hell I am going to be doing in college.
Next on to lunch and the rest of the day. I ate some fish Baja tacos with black beans and Spanish rice, and spent lunch with Gary, Kaeli, and Jiten. Deciding to walk along and hang out with the seniors, we walked towards the sculpture gardens, where one particularly interested many. It was called “Gates of Hell”, and it looked pretty hellish to me. Someone told me there was a door on the other side of the sculpture. Inside the museum, there were many interesting artifacts and pieces of art and portraits decorating the inside. On the way back to the bus we were unclear where to meet it, there for being a few minutes late.
Ms. Hill gave vague directions on where we were to meet the bus and therefore, we were late even though we had help from a phone call. It probably didn’t help that we lagged a short distance behind another group of seniors. Nonetheless, we were late and unknowing that we were to receive such a heinous essay for being a few minutes late to the appointed spot. Directions on a map or making sure everyone knew where to go may have prevented whatever delay we caused. Or perhaps letting us know the consequence for being late was going to be. I could understand a punishment for running so late that we didn’t get back to the school until after 2:30PM, but we didn’t. And if being late to the school meant extra fines for the bus trip, this essay is understandable. Next time, make sure everyone knows the consequences if there are to be any given. I am an honors student and I know guidelines and rules. I have rarely if ever been late to classes deliberately or accidentally. I don’t know why I should be punished for a first time offense that caused no harm or money to be wasted, when many more others get three strikes first before a punishment is given. I believe writing this is a waste of MY time when I could be doing something more constructive, such as my OTHER homework, because if you look at my schedule, you can be sure I have plenty. And if you think I don’t, I probably have some extracurricular activity or hobby that will better me for the future.

2003-03-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

Hello! So.....I wrote my F***** essay for being late for the bus leaving Stanford. I'll post it next, so you can see it, if anybody reads it. Our family watched Porky's and Porky's 2 last night. Funny movies. Wish the real revenge was this inventive. Instead, revenge is all about killing the other guy, most of the time. Yesterday, I woke up early as usual to go to Aikido practice. My dad does iaido (sp?), the art of sword drawing, then I have my class. So I have an hour and a half for whatever, homework usually. After a large class, my dad tells me we just have to go to Best Buy. We stay so long, I get a call from my friend Chris when I'm coming to teach my lessons for the Junior Leader Training. Sooooooooooo, after we get lunch at In-and-Out Burger, from the drive thru. I saw Dean and Kim, so i got out to say hi ( the line was really long). So I chowed down my food on the way home, and changed quickly. Once I got there, after a while, I taught my lessons. Effective Teaching and Leadership Styles. I wasn't prepared (bad boy scout!) for teaching Effective Teaching. And having the last classes, everyone was unattentive and bored to death from everything else. Usually our JLT is a three day camp, which is really fun and cool, laced with games, competition, ice cream, movies, and 9PM capture the flag w/o flashlights. But there were technical problems...Oh well! Next time. Then I got home and I can't remember what I did from there. I know I didn't accomplish much.

I should go running on the weekends. I don't do any other physical exercise. I'd do better in swimming if I cross-trained

2003-03-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

Hey bloggy and blog readers! I'm sooooooooooo hyped up now b/c we won our meet against Napa! We kicked ass today (not me, but the faster swimmers). I still contributed my share of points to our amazing victory. On the way home we were talking about the division championship, and guess what??? We have a chance! Yay! It feels so much better to win than lose, like every two weeks in cross country. Today I swam backstroke in the 200 medley relay, 200 free right after, and then 100 backstroke. My team told me I was right behind a napa dude and I passed him up in the last 50 yards! Woopdeedoo! I didn't even realize it. I can't see that much over the lane lines when I breathe. Everybody did an amazing job and put out a great effort. Unfortunately, only the Bethel boys won... the girls kinda lost. And sooooo, we decided to have practice at 6:30 tomorrow morning! Pretty early, but a good way to wake up. Have to get a decent night's sleep for once. And we don't have school! And my dad's not working, so we might see a movie. Fun fun! But I also gotta get my photography assignments done by Monday, or there's a call coming home, and not one to praise me. Well, to berate me for laziness and procrastination. After the meet, we all went to Rubio's and I had a de-lic-i-ous fish burrito. Hillary paid for me, but I have to pay her back tomorrow morning.

Well, that's all for today folks (so far, but I don't see what else can happen). Have a goooooooooooood night!

2003-03-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

Damn it! I had a hella long post written, and the window closed. I guess I'll try to start from the beginning
-Today I didn't have to go to classes because I had a fieldtrip to Stanford with the California Scholarship Federation, a club at Jesse Bethel High.
-Had lots of fun, got to hang around the seniors and talk with them a lot more than I usually would any other day.
-Learned about the history of Stanford University and the family
-Can you believe Stanford was supposed to be a free education???( now it's 40 thousand a year!!!)
-The bus ride was 1 and a half hours to Palo Alto
-Ate a fish taco, black bean, and rice w/ fat-free milk lunch with Kaeli, Jiten, and Gary.
-Gary had flowers planted in his hair unknowingly most of the day
-Saw a lot of sculptures in part of Stanford, one of which was titled "Gates of Hell". It was pretty big and intimidating. Very cool though. I wonder what the real thing looks like
-Took some b+w photos of stuff.
-Got lost trying to find the damn bus! Ms. Hill can't pronounce and give directions! We were late getting back on the bus (a very select and unlucky few). Had to practically run to the bus.
-Started out cold a drissly in the morning and got pretty hot in the afternoon.
-Read manga and listened to music on the bus.
-We walked A LOT!

Now onto swim practice...:
-I got there a little late 'cause my mom's having wierd car problems.
-We swam a lot
-I got tired
-We swam a lot

Okay... I've procrastinated enough on my essay due tomorrow. And if you're procrastinating like me... stop reading this and get to work! Oh yeah... my sister's a nosy fuck sometimes!

2003-03-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

Yo yo yo! This goes out to my man Francisco if you read this! What's up??? Hope your VJO practice was aight. I'm being a procrastinating procrastinator. I should be doing homework even though I'm goin on a field trip tomorrow. Stanford BaBy!!! I had to spend my own money for that sh*t.

Soooooooooooooo... don't have a prom date yet Francisco??? I might soon enough, but she doesn't go to this school. In fact, she lives in San Francisco! Any who... sorry bout your breakup man. Yup, too bad it didn't last. Longer than I've had, single waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long! Since I'm writing in here, I might as well write down what I need to get done:
-Literature Circle Clan of the Cave Bear Timeline
-Character Essay
-Pick topic for history research paper
-Individual direct mail project
-Chapter 14 Sample Problems
-Chapter 14 worksheet
-ALL of my pre-cal shit, which would take like a day to understand and do
-Photography scrapbook
-Photography Career Report

That's about all folks! I need someone to help me with the html for this. I'm toooooo lazy to try. So uh, I'll leave you with the lyrics to Linkin Parks Somewhere I Belong
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I live it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t trust to find the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away and find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

2003-03-09T15:16:00.000-08:00

Hi! Haven't done this for a while. Too much to write at this moment. I think I'll cancel this blog soon and just write in a private journal (ya know, the off-line kind)

2002-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...................... I just got my project grade back for Honors English 11. I got a frickin B-! I probably spent over 10 hours on the project out of class! Damn Mr. Woolard! I'm gonna talk to him later. I had the worst parts of the project too! I had to fall into my swimming pool twice! To make things worse, the water was like 40 degrees F! I was sooooooooooooooo cold! And ours was one of the top and professional, and funny presentations. That's all I have to talk about now

2002-11-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Test 1 2... Test 1 2... yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally go around to making up a blog